Haven't written in a few days, mostly because its been the same sort of stuff around here. Was holding out for something less depressing but hey, you get what you get here. B has been pretty out of it still. Earl made the comment to me the other day that it seems like we get just one "good day" with her a week, no matter how we try, and he is pretty right on this assessment. She has been so out of it lately. Not remembering what we are watching/talking about/doing, while we are currently engaged in it, and reverting to those nasty behaviors that I thought she had lost long ago with her memory.
She has started GROWLING again. Growling to herself when she is frustrated, or more often growling at us in even the slightest opposition. I caught her the other day (when she thought I was in the other room) growling so nasty at Earl when he had asked her, and kindly so, to try not to use her fingers for cutting and serving pineapple upside down cake (we lost the previous cake to a savage late night finger banging). It was almost like witnessing a demonic possession and I can only describe the actual sound to be like that of a rabid wild animal mad with rage and ready to attack. I know I make jokes here, to ease the tension, but sadly this is not one of them.
I had almost forgotten how she used to growl in her heyday. The Alzheimer's changes behavioral patterns and I had thought for a while the disease was almost a blessing, because, in it, I thought she had forgotten how to be miserable and nasty (which I say lovingly and honestly because we have all shared those moments with her at different times). BB can get N A S T Y. Needless to say when I touched her shoulder immediately after this hellish growl and asked her to "think positive" and not act so mean, she became embarrassed she had been caught in such behavior, that was clearly and only intended for Earl, and was sweet as pie to me and to him.
In other news, she had spent the last few days NOT using the walker, even when reminded, and is still pretty slow and frail, so I was watching her movement like a hawk, hoping I might catch her if she fell. I have since noticed another shift in her mobility. Getting off the couch has been visibly difficult for her, but lately it has become this ordeal, this battle against physics. She has to push herself up to get off the couch, like a rocket or a spring. It takes her about three tries to get a good blast off, and when she does get on her legs it is rocky. A lot of the time she falls right back onto the couch. Sitting down, has also become less fluid in motion. She now bends her knees slightly, points her butt in the direction of the couch, points it out as far as she can. Then, once she has no doubt judged the distance and path of trajectory, FALLS into her seat. When I say fall I mean she commits to this fall. She should just cover her eyes because it is clearly a gamble. There were many times I watched this this weekend holding my breath and crossing my fingers she'd hit the couch and not the floor. There were a couple of close half butt on couch landings but so far so good.
Today, she used her walker all day so that was a relief. And she liked dinner and actually ate it all for once, but it was homemade chicken and dumplings so she would have really been crazy not to. Yesterday she HAD TO have lasagna. We had no lasagna. She reminded me Pizza Hut had lasagna, she had seen it on tv. And couldn't figure why we couldn't have lasagna. She has no patience at this point and when she wants something she wants it NOW, like a spoiled child. And so I went to get lasagna, despite having dinner underway. Got home, she had one bite of the lasagna, and said she couldn't figure out why I hadn't got enchiladas like she had asked for.
*Sigh*... I think I'm ready for one of those good days each week that Earl keeps reminding me about.
No comments:
Post a Comment